Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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