end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
