Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
