Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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