When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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