His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
