I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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