I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
