in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
