I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.