i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do