Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize