I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Even my vagina gasped.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize