even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
