He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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