If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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