I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
