Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
