we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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