Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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