Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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