i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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