I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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