paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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