Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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