just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
