I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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