He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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