super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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