In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
