I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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