I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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