I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
