no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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