Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
