Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
