just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
