Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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