32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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