Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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