I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
