My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
