Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
