So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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