she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
