You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
