Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
