I wish I could punch you in the face.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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