dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
