dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
