im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
