i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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