Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
