He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
