Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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