so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
