my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize