once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
