I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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