U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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