She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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