she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
