So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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