A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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