im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
