never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
