we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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