I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
