She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
