I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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