i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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