textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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