im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
