First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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