idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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